So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
FUCK WHALES
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
