Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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