I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
