and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
