So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize