we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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