I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
