I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
