And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
