I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
