Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
