I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
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