i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
