I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
