It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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