jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize