I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
