I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
