It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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