ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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