You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
