Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
