Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she was so not down for the gang bang
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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