Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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