Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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