were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
