guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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