If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
