I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
