don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
