Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize