I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
