Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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