DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
