Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize