Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
