Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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