I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize