I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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