I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just had sex on a roof
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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