Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
