why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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