Soap is not a condiment
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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