so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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