I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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