I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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