other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
