I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
