you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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