dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
