Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
