pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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