And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
