I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
