Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
