I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
