I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
NoShamevember. You game?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize