We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
