Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
