Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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