my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
they're like a gay fantastic four
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
