Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
