Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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