I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
