I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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