I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
