I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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