You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
