And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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