One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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