Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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