I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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