people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
