im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
