Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
