Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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