Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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