"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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