And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
