That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
