I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
