I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
