last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Panties = found
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
