So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
