but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
