oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
