I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
