A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i think my cat just said my name.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
