I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
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