Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
