Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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