it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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