Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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