so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
