Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
