Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
