I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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