i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
someone owes me an orgasm
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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