well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can you bring me the toilet please
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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