He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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