I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
