It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
