I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
