I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
