Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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