Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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