I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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