she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
