I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
