I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
