i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
