I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
