I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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