my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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