For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize