Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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