do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
